after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
