Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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