whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
