As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
