I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I need a burrito and a hug.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
