I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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