i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
