Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
