Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
