i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
