i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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