you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
