Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
