This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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