Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
His hands were made for my vagina.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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