i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
