Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
