so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
