No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
