Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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