There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
