I'm gonna have a badass scar
I cut my penus on the lid.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
