Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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