How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
