You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
