I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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