Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
