dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
