he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the day after is always just damage control
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
