I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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