I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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