she looked like the bat from fern gully.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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