U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
