I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
