can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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