i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
