..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
