Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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