i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
