She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
