I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Randomize
