I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
