Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
