Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
