he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
