Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
