i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
