theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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