I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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