his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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