Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
