Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
