I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
