she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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