It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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