You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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