dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
