just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
