Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize