You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
