i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
