my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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