I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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