Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
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