he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
