The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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