Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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