Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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