Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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