I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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