my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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