whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
