i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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