the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
