I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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