my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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