I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
