I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
