A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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