Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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