no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
