I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So many bounce houses so little time
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
