On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I did not marry a roomba.
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