Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
