im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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