Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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