you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
