i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
