that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize