I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I cut my penus on the lid.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
