Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
