I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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