we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
