I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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