If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize