Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
