girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
