just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
