I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
only if we run a train.
done.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
