Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
