on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
