it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
