My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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