I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
