forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
