trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
