Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
