She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
