i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
And the cops told us we were all naked.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
